I DID - AND I'D DO IT AGAIN

Eleven years ago…..

I stand at the back of the church chapel,  in the dress that made me cry the first time I put it on.  I can see my soon-to-be husband at the end of the aisle, and our eyes meet.  A few moments later I join him at the front of the church, and before our friends and family, I promise to love him forever, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. 

At the time, I remember thinking that there is no possibly way I could love him more.  As it turns out, though, I was wrong.

Saying “I do” is only the first step of commitment.  True commitment can only be evidenced over time, as you navigate the ups and downs of life together.  Handling the stress of bar exams and engineering certifications.  Examining the miracle of ten tiny little fingers and ten tiny little toes.  Walking through our first house together, wondering if we would ever be able to afford the furniture to fill it up.  Weeping over the loss of loved ones.  Being strong for the other when a career path is closed.  Getting up in the night for a diaper change, so that the other one can sleep.  And then later, helping the kids downstairs find some breakfast, so the other can sleep in a little bit.  Running to the store in the middle of the night to get medicine.  Birthing a company.  Driving miles each day to get to work, so that we will be provided for.  Cheering at a soccer game when you can’t feel your toes.

That’s love.  I was, quite frankly, clueless when I said “I do”.  Every year brings a deeper understanding of what it means to love and be loved.  True commitment is looking at the past, all the joys and sorrows, and saying “I’d do it again.”

Twenty-eight years ago….

It’s Easter Sunday, and I’m dressed in my finest Easter dress, with my hair beautifully curled under my Easter hat.  My friends have already been baptized in the first part of the church service.  I’m walking down the aisle.  I can see my pastor waiting for me at the end, just like we talked about.  And I’m ready to tell everyone in my church that I want Jesus in my heart.  I don’t understand all the mysteries of the Bible, I haven’t worked at my theology.  I just know that having Jesus in my heart sounds like a good idea, and He loves me.    So I make a commitment to follow after him.

On that Easter Sunday, I have no idea what God has in store for me.  There will be exhilarating days of joy, and heartbreaking days of sadness.  He will guide me to strong friends who will hold me accountable.  He will help me fall in love with music to express the joys of my soul.  He will introduce me to Ben, and forever join us together.  He will also ask me to give up my dreams so that He can replace them with His own.  He will allow me to enter the wasteland of depression, stripping down my pride until only the very essence of me is left. 

But looking back on all that we’ve been through together, good and bad, I can stand before Him and love Him even more.  Twenty-eight years ago, I told God “I will.”  And I’d do it again.  In a heartbeat.